Kong Towers
by fuzzy-grapes
Summary: So, the Gorillaz have decided to open a hotel. Unsatisfied guests, lack of food and Murdoc's inability to believe 2D can speak English, all spell one thing. DISASTER.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHORS NOTE:

I'm Ba-a-a-ck! Hello everyone, I am deeply sorry for my no updating. I have been busy. I am now out of school (until next year) so hopefully I can update more often. NO promises though. But I will defiantly update this heaps often cos I have already written the whole thing (I just gotta edit it). Basic plot this time: Gorillaz open a hotel. Sounds complicated, hey. I just gotta explain this: Has anyone seen the old, old series Faulty Towers? Hilarious, I love it (I'll put an ad in the papers: "Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent. Answers to the name of Sybil."). Okay, well I kind of thought of this. And I thought, Isn't Murdoc and 2D like Basil and Manuel, sort of? If you haven't seen Faulty Towers (most people, probably) just ignore the small references to 2D being not capable of speaking English that I added in to make myself smile. But you really should watch Faulty Towers some time. Have fun!

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"Sweet Satan, why did we ever open a f---ing hotel?" Murdoc Niccals yelled, throwing down a set of steak knives. "Noodle, where did you put the kitten I bought?"

A small, Japanese teenager came into the lobby, playing on a game boy. "Murdoc-san, I realize you are allowed your own beliefs, however I must refuse to allow you to slaughter animals in order to appease the devil."

Murdoc groaned. "I spent $150 on these steak knives, and you rob me of a chance to use them?" He kneeled on the ground. "Dear Satan, please make the clouds rain on Noodle-"

Murdoc's hasty prayer was disrupted slightly by the now familiar elevator tune: "It's coming up, it's coming up…", and the appearance of Russel Hobbs, who was wearing a frilly lace apron and a disgruntled expression.

"Murdoc, man, I don't wanna be disturbing the peace," he said, walking toward Murdoc menacingly, "But I was wondering..."

Russel brought his face close to Murdoc's. "WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS THING?" He roared. "I tell you, Murdoc, I am not a size 8. And, even if I was, I defiantly would not wear women's clothing!"

Murdoc stepped back, looked at Russel, and grimaced. "Yeah, take that thing off. It doesn't go with your complexion at all. What was I thinking?"

Russel frowned. "Man, I really don't wanna know."

A woman walked into the hotel, causing Russel to blush and hastily remove his apron.

Murdoc lit up a cigarette. "F---, another guest," he muttered. "2D, where the f--- are you?"

2D trailed into the room. "I still don't get why you want me to pretend I can't speak English. I can speak English good! See, I know the alphabet and everything. A B C D-"

Murdoc waved a hand in 2D's general direction. "You can shut up now." He turned to look at the guest. "Well, hello there, beautiful. I almost didn't notice you. But now I won't be able to get you out of my head."

The woman eyed Murdoc distastefully, taking in his elaborate cape, inverted cross and the half dozen empty liquor bottles behind the counter.

"I wish to book a room."

Murdoc grinned, walking to check the register book. "Want a night to remember? You could bunk in with me."

The woman shook back her hair back. "I was looking for a room with positive flow from the North, good feng shui and a calming atmosphere. Oh, and, do you serve vegetarian meals?"

Murdoc turned to Noodle. "What the f--- is she on about?"

"What did you just say to me?" The woman demanded, having overheard his remark.

Murdoc turned back and smiled. "I said, like a f---, darling?"

The woman flicked her hair again. "I don't believe this! That's it. I'm off."

Murdoc watched her leave. "Was it something I said?"

Noodle sighed. "Maybe, hotel would have more guests if you refrained from attempting to sleep with all of the women coming here."

Murdoc patted her on the head. "Of course it would, love, of course. Now, where'd Dullard go? I feel like punching something."

Noodle watched him wandering off, realizing how much she hated being patronized.

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Revolutionary band, Gorillaz, were opening a hotel.

The media was buzzing with the news of a publicity stunt of the millennium. Each week, the gossip magazines and tabloids were full of more and more pictures of disgruntled guests leaving the hotel, apparently unsatisfied by what Kong Towers had to offer. Hotel critics, fans and other celebrities were lining up to see what the fuss was all about, however one look at the blood-stained interior of a zombie infested hotel was enough to send most of them fleeing for their multi-million-dollar mansions. Reporters were strictly forbidden, sent packing by a body guard in the form of blank eyed and even blanker brained 2D. In fact, Kong didn't really get that many visitors … Surprised?

No, I wasn't either.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

A bit odd … I have a lot more to post. Please tell me what you think! Everyone loves feedback!


	2. The balaclava kid

AUTHORS NOTE:

Thanks so much to the people who reviewed:

Rocku: Now you can read more! Lol!

bjorkChild: lol, I hope that is a good thing!

This is slightly a quick update but I wrote all of this last term so I am going to update really quick!

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"Yeah, well, I happen to think that Playboy is a very worthy stock to invest in… Yeah, I realize you're advising against it. I just don't give a f---… Yeah, you have a f---ing good day, too!"

Murdoc slammed the phone down and took a drag on a cigarette. "F---ing financial advisor," he said venomously. Stressful business, this was. Made him wish he'd hired someone to advise his financial advisor. Or chosen a more enjoyable publicity stunt, instead of opening a hotel. Maybe living in the London Eye, for one.

2D skipped into the room and snatched the phone from Murdoc.

"Oi, I was on the phone!"

2D shrugged. "You just hung up."

Murdoc dropped his cigarette but and ground it under one Cuban heel. "What do you need with a phone, anyway?"

2D sighed. "I was going to call our financial advisor and see if the fact that these pills are prescription makes them tax deductible."

Murdoc sniggered. "That, or you were trying to fit as many technical words in one sentence as possible. Well, dullard, you got 'prescription', 'financial' and 'deductible.' Well done, deductible has four syllables in it."

2D frowned. "So they're not tax deductible?"

Murdoc laughed. "Ah, go cook lunch for the guests or something. Whatever else hotel workers do."

2D lit up his own cigarette. "Do we even have any guests?"

Murdoc consulted the register. "Well, we've got a Mr Bone in Room 9."

2D squirmed. "Actually, Muds, he's a zombie. And I think he's dead now."

Murdoc crossed a name out on the register. "Does this mean he won't be paying? Dammit."

2D snorted. "Yeah, so much for your 'get publicity and money' plan. It _really _worked." 2D laughed at his sarcasm. "Yeah, haha, really, haha, cos I was being sarcastic, see Muds? So I really meant that it was a heaps crap idea, hahaha!"

Murdoc considered 2D with an annoyed look on his face. "Get lost, D."

The phone rang again. 2D, who was still holding it, answered. After enduring an earful of shouting, 2D extracted his ear from the phone. "It's your financial advisor, Murdoc. And I think he wants to yell at you."

2D walked through to the studio kitchen and listened to the sound of Murdoc grinding the phone under one Cuban heel. It was quite relaxing really, mused 2D, if you listened to it through a double bricked wall. With two pain killers in your mouth. And the fact that he was blocking his ears, that didn't hurt either.

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When the Richardson family car broke down on a rainy street somewhere in the UK, they thought it was lucky that there was a hotel just down the street. Unfortunately, that hotel happened to be Kong Towers. Even more unfortunately, they were from out of the country and had not been aware of this fact.

Mr and Mrs Richardson stepped out of the car, unloaded the three kids and told them to go into the hotel. Unknown to them, a strange kid wearing a balaclava, scarf, dark glasses, a large camera and carrying a Dictaphone joined them.

The four kids entered the hotel laughing and dancing. The balaclava kid joined in slightly robotically, his scarf slipping down to expose a bit of stubble on his neck. Murdoc, who happened to be manning reception at that time, slammed his Playboy magazine shut.

"Excuse me; this isn't a f---ing DAYCARE CENTRE!" He yelled out the door. "Whoever owns these kids, take them back."

The oldest, a girl, giggled. "Ooh, you said a naughty word!"

The others, minus balaclava kid, formed a chant. "You said a naughty word! You said a naughty word!"

The balaclava kid took a few snaps of the room, including on of Murdoc. Murdoc glanced suspiciously at the kid. It joined in with the chant, somewhat robotically.

Murdoc put it out of his mind and sighed. "2D, get the hell down here!"

See, Murdoc's theory was simple. Get the kids someone closer to them in IQ. 2D. And if the dullard couldn't communicate with them, Murdoc could always borrow some of his painkillers.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

If you could possibly review and tell me what you think of this chapter, I would really appreciate it! Thanks!


	3. 2D Is Confused About His Purpose in Life

I had a long, long break … but I'm back now! Omg, anyone seen the El Manana video clip? O0h traumatizing! But, whatever. Here is the next chapter of Kong Towers!

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Mr and Mrs Richardson lugged their bags into the lobby, a bit taken aback by the man sitting at the desk smoking and the blood on the walls, but charmed by the gentle man with blue hair who was looking after their kids.

"Whaddaya want?" The rougher-looking man, Murdoc, lounged back on his chair, flicking a cigarette butt into a bin.

"My wife, kids and I need a room for the night. Our car broke down just outside. Do you have any form of vehicle support?"

Murdoc laughed. Or it may have been a cackle. "You'll be lucky. Yeah, I could get a monkey to look at it for ya. For an extra fee, of course."

The man shrugged. "Er … A monkey?"

Mrs Richardson was spell-bound with 2D's babysitting skills. "Ah, what a nice young man. You know," she said to 2D, "You'll make a wonderful father one day."

2D smiled blankly and gap-toothily. Murdoc laughed again. "Heh heh heh. Wouldn't count on it."

"But of course!" Mrs Richardson cried. "You should hire out this young man professionally!"

Murdoc waved a dismissive hand. "Whatever. Now, if you could just sign on this line here…"

Mr Richardson put on his glasses and looked at the paper. "Um, this is in Japanese."

Murdoc faked an encouraging smile. "Oh, don't worry about that. It's just the insurance-"

2D poked his head up. "It's giving Murdoc the rights to all your money, shares in all your stocks and the right to eat every wagon wheel you own."

Murdoc hit 2D on the head. "Shut it, Dullard." He turned to the unsure Mr Richardson. "Don't take any notice of what Stu-pot says. He's a bit lacking in brains, if you know what I mean."

2D stood up and faced Murdoc. "I am not stupid! You keep saying that I am, but I'm not! I know my name begins with the same two letters as 'stupid', but it ends with different letters and that's what counts!"

Murdoc sighed. "Actually, your name starts with the same three letters as the word stupid. See, S-T-U-P-I-D. S-T-U-A-R-T. It's really quite simple."

Murdoc's spelling lesson was interrupted by Mr Richardson.

"Er, if I could just pay for a night's stay without signing any contracts?" Mr Richardson asked hesitantly.

Murdoc sighed. "If you must. 2D, get this man's key."

"His key?"

"Yes. His key. For the room he is going to stay in. Do I have to spell it out for you? H-I-S K-E-"

2D squared his shoulders and interrupted Murdoc. "No." 2D said, taking a chance to stand up for himself.

"No?"

"No. I am not your slave. Get, I dunno, Noodle to do it."

Murdoc sighed. "2D, the reason you're here is to obey me. Sure, I could get Noodle to do it, but she doesn't obey me like a mindless slave, the way you do."

"I don't, like, obey you-"

"2D, get this man's key."

2D slunk off to get the key. "Yes, Murdoc. Sorry, Murdoc."

Murdoc smiled at the two adults. "Now, where were we?"

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The Richardson's had three kids, although an extra person had joined them. That extra 'kid' was a cleverer than normal reporter, come to explore Kong Studios and write up and exclusive exposure of the Gorillaz most secret secrets.

"Murdoc sounds drunk," he whispered into a Dictaphone, "and may still be on drugs. 2D entertained the children, showing his father-ly side – could he possibly want kids? Rumors tell me that Russel is attempting to lose weight and impressionable Noodle, following his example, is in the early stages of an eating disorder. Group dynamics are shaky, I wouldn't bet on the Gorillaz staying together very long, especially if the love quadrangle between Noodle, Murdoc, 2D and Russel continues."

Murdoc looked up from negotiations with the Richardson's and glared at the reporter. The reporter quickly put away the Dictaphone and joined in a game of duck, duck, goose with the other children. Aah, the sacrifices he made for his work.

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Lalala! Please review and tell me any improvements I could make! Thanks!


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